a rogue’s posterous

somethings can't wait to be said...
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Joel is a writer...well he wants to be...he tries to be and is sometimes successful. He's also a husband and a new dad. Stick around for the highs and lows and you can say you knew him when.

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Today's Top Five: Things "Chuck" is Better Than

Great SEASON finale last night. No spoilers here, but just wanted to share some thoughts on exactly where "Chuck" ranks in my pantheon of awesome. "Chuck" is better than all these things.

5. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - Chocolate, peanut butter. Two great tastes that taste BETTER together, and yet the creamy choco goodness can't begin to compare with Mr. Bartowski and his cohorts.

4. The NFL Draft - There was a time when draft day was like a little manly holiday in the barren wasteland known as "the offseason". Finding out the pieces that your team is adding to help get you over the hump (or reload if you're a fan of one of those "good teams") is incredibly exciting. But Draft day is nothing next to a day in the Buy More.

3. Icee - That sweet nectar of the gods that is the perfect combination of sweet and slushy (not to be confused with "slushie" which is a pale "Icee" imitator) is a beautiful thing. One of the highlights of living in the south (do they have these in the north?) but as much as I love a Coca-Cola Icee, I'd rather have a new episode of "Chuck". Sure, it may not keep me alive if I was dying of thirst in the desert (I'm not sure the Icee would either, to tell you the truth) but I'd die with a smile on my face. Can your favorite TV show do that?

2. Lazy Rivers - The Lazy River may be the single greatest human invention of all time. For those not familiar: it's a long and winding pool with a slight current, on which you float with inter-tubes, generally sipping a drink with an umbrella. I don't know about you, but this was my own personal image of heaven...until I saw this season's finale of "Chuck". Sorry, Lazy River. We'll always have Jamaica!

1. The Bandit's Trans Am - Mind you, I'm not saying that "Chuck" is better than the Bandit himself. Nothing is that cool. But, Special Agent Charles Carmichael and his crack team of Government sponsored bad a**** is cooler than the car by itself. And, since when I saw a Bandit Trans Am the other day I actually stopped to inquire about the price and whether he'd wanna trade straight up for my Camry, you should know that I love this car. Just not as much as I love "Chuck".

Save "Chuck" NBC!!!

         

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Things You Can Do Today to Save "Chuck"

***Updated***

Tonight is the season finale of NBC's spy dramedy "Chuck". It COULD be the SERIES finale. But we're not gonna let that happen. Here's what you can do TODAY to help.


5. Watch and episode (or twelve) of "Chuck" today on Hulu.com or NBC.com - This is the best way that you can show NBC that YOU are watching this show. There's no question about it, you're not a half a percentage point in a Nielson report, you are a person watching their show (with ads) online. Leave them on in the background all day if you can.

4. Pre-order Season 2 from Amazon.com - The show has been outstanding this season, building from episode to episode better than anything else on TV. Let's show NBC (and Warner Bros., the studio that produces "Chuck") that we appreciate quality television by pre-purchasing the Complete Season Set.

3. Watch the season (not series) finale tonight. - Some of you are Nielson families. Some of you have Tivo's (that collect data about programs watched), but even if you don't, do your best to watch the finale tonight. Let's ensure that the ratings are sky-high.

2. Invite friends. - I'm generally completely against watching a show out-of-order, but this is a do or die situation. If you have a friend that you think would be remotely interested in "Chuck" (and who wouldn't be?) get them to come over and watch it with you tonight. Sure, some of the relationships and jokes might not make as much sense to them, but you'll have just created another happy consumer for the DVD's and another angry mob member if the show does get canceled by NBC. We're trying to build an army here, people, we need all the help we can get.

1. Eat at Subway today. - Silly? Perhaps, but Subway has been a big advertiser on "Chuck" having their $5 footlong's built into a couple of storylines. Belly up to your local sandwich bar today, order one of those $5 footlongs and fill out a comment card saying you ate at Subway because of "Chuck" on NBC. If our outrage over the possible loss of this show won't make NBC change their mind, a major sponsor's report that they want to up their advertising budget for a certain spy dramedy will.

Good luck and Godspeed.

***Updated*** This message has already been viewed almost 130 times in just a couple of hours. If everyone spreads the message, we can get this rolling and keep a show we all love. In case your Subway doesn't have comment cards (or if you forgot to fill one out) just follow this link to leave the comment directly at Subway.com ***Updated*** also, sign a petition to bring "Chuck" a third season at this link.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Reasons Why Judah Needs to Win this Swingset

Dad-Blogs.com (a great site I recently joined is giving away this awesome swing set from Kid's Creations. Here are the reasons Joel Judah needs to win:

5. Every boy needs a swing set. - What better way to pretend to be a pirate...or Indiana Jones...or a kid that's got an awesome swing set? (alright that last one wouldn't take much imagination, but still)


4. It'll get years of use around Casa del Awesome. - For those that didn't know (and who are these people?) not only do we have one Awesome rugrat running around the house, Awesome Cadet #2 is on the way in July. We're talking eight to ten years of solid use from two boys before they decide it's too "baby" for them and start pining for dirt bikes and powered scooters (do kids still want powered scooters? I'm really out of the loop).

3. I'm an excellent put-er-together-er. - It's true. I've got the certificate from the Dad's Institute of Putting Together to prove it. Sure that institution isn't recognized by the State and may, in fact, be a complete figment of my imagination, but that doesn't make my skills any less potent. Just a couple of weeks ago, I put together a 30th Anniversary "Cozy Coupe" in just three and a half hours. The box said it should take around 30 minutes, but those people have shoddy workmanship. When I put something together, I put it together right...and often have lots of pieces left over.

2. As transients, the tent at the top of the slide will give us a place to sleep. - Since my job may soon end, and we've yet to find a new one, I figure Team Awesome is about to have to pack up and hit the road for greener pastures (or abandoned houses). Until we find our next place to squat, we can all share some family togetherness at the top of the slide. Who wouldn't want to faux-rock-climb into bed every night and slide out?

1. It Don't Mean a Thing, If It Ain't Got That Swing. - So said Ella (not the wife, but the lovely jazz singer who often partnered with Louis Armstrong), and I believe it. I could put a slide, a wading pool, petting zoo, jungle gym, flying jenny and a ball pit in the back yard, but it wouldn't be a swing set. Don't let me disappoint the kiddo and ruin my chances for father of the year! I gotta win this swing set for Judah. Ella said so (my wife, not the talented jazz singer prone to scatting).  

If you'd like to enter (but not to win, 'cause Joel Judah is going to do that) follow the links above.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Reasons to Ignore "TV Turnoff" Week

This week is "TV Turnoff" Week, which is brought to you by silly people who think we should all be running and jumping or something. They're probably socialists and I think we can agree to ignore them, but in case some of you are thinking about this whole "outside" thing and are tempted to give it a try, let me drop five reasons why you need to keep the boob tube turned on.


5. Combat Global Cooling. - There have been record cold fronts all across the country this spring. We have to up our carbon fuel consumption to combat this dire problem before our shopping malls and Multi-plexes are covered in ice!

4. We're in a recession. - Now is not the time to cut back on our power consumption and allow helpless power and light workers to be laid off. What about the TV repair men? Do you want it on your conscience that you turned your set off giving it a new lease on life and thereby depriving the repairman of an honest days work? I think not.

3. The Stinkin' Playoffs are on! - Really? You're gonna turn OFF the TV when some of the most exciting NBA (and NHL, I suppose if you're a Canuck) playoffs in memory are on every night? You do that, sir, and the terrorists win!

2. The world needs fat people too. - We can't all be thin and beautiful. If we were, how would we know who to make fun of? Some of us just have weaker genes, that's natural selection, man. You wanna mess with nature? Now put that kid back on the couch.

1. "Chuck" is in danger of cancellation and we all need to watch it roughly five thousand times this week. - Watch it live. Invite your friends over to watch it with you. Make sure they leave their sets tuned into NBC before they come over. Record it on Tivo and replay it on continual loop until NBC announces it's renewal. You have your marching orders. Get a move on.


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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Ten???: Trivia "facts" about Joel

I found this at a lovely little blog by the name of, The World According to Me


If you'd like to try it for yourself just go to The Mechanical Contrivium.

Here now, Top Ten Facts about Joel:

1. Joel Sharpton can jump up to sixteen times his own height. - Of course, he's not really that tall to begin with, but still, impressive no?

2. Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled Joel Sharpton. - It just stands to reason. I'm all over the place.

3. Joel Sharpton invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC. - Well, I don't like to brag, but I did beat Paggo the caveman by at least three weeks.

4. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into Joel Sharpton! - It's MAGIC!

5. Joel Sharpton is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world! - just an evening to learn, a lifetime to master.

6. It can take Joel Sharpton several days to move just through one tree! - Well, they're big...and awfully well put in place.

7. South Australia was the first place to allow Joel Sharpton to stand for parliament! - Those Aussies have always been forward thinkers.

8. Grapes explode if you put them inside Joel Sharpton. - Yes, but does Joel Sharpton explode if you put him inside a grape?

9. Cats use their Joel Sharpton to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through! - Good thing too. I've kept many a cat out of a tight space.

10. Joel Sharpton cannot jump! - This one is not true. Obviously it would contradict the first fact, and we all know that I'm nothing if not consistent.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Reasons I'm Glad Oprah is On Twitter

For those that don't know Oprah joined Twitter yesterday and the world will never be the same. She's even going to talk about it on her show today. There has been a lot of railing and gnashing of teeth in the "Twitter-sphere" (twitter really does make any word attached to a little more stupid doesn't it?) about how this will change everything. I say, yes, it will but in a good way. So here, now, my Top Five Reasons I'm Glad Oprah is on Twitter.

5. She'll demolish Ashton Kutcher AND CNN - Mr. Demi Moore and THE cable new network have been in a little slap-fight over the ability to get to a million followers first. Ashton won, but yesterday before ever sending a single "tweet" Oprah had built up almost 50,000 followers. She's only sent a few today and already she's over 90,000. When she starts talking about it on her show, she'll probably crash the service altogether.

4. I love the "Fail Whale" - When Twitter's servers are overloaded, you get a delightful image of a whale being carried away by cute little birds. I laugh every time I see it. When Oprah sprinkles her magic-woman-dust on Twitter, we should see it a lot.

3. It'll give 50 year old housewives a new social-network to join. - I love my mother. She's hipper than most. But when she joined Facebook a while back I knew things were changing. When my least techno-proficient friends parents (who are even less techno-proficient) started joining, I knew it was a whole new world. Let's see sales of smart-phones explode when mom starts tweeting.

2. Oprah's Book Club will get a lot shorter - A tweet can only be 140 characters. I think this opens up a whole new window for Oprah's book club. She could claim dozens (if not hundred's) of "books of the week". Most of them will just be about what the author had for breakfast, or how cool the song currently playing on his radio is. Still, Oprah will make it sound interesting.

1. The Techno-snobs Will Invent a new service for me to join - I anticipate an exodus to the "new" social-network when it becomes passe to use Twitter...which will be about fifteen minutes after Oprah mentions it on air. I'm an internet social butterfly, so bring it on.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Things I Would Rather Happen than "Chuck" Getting Canceled

5. My job to end. - This one sounds ludicrous until you realize that it's probably going to happen anyway. My company is scheduled to end their work in August, and while it's possible that it will continue on under another organization, things don't look good. So, I'm willing to throw this onto the heap, NBC. I'm already looking for new employment, now I'll just be able to sleep easy at night knowing that after I get done with a hard day of standing in the bread line, I can watch "Chuck" through the window of the electronics store while I rock Judah to sleep in his grocery cart.

4. The Zombie Apocalypse - Again, this might sound extreme, but it's sort of in the "foregone conclusion" stack too, right? You know there are a couple of nerds in a laboratory deep in the jungles of South America working for the government on the T-Virus even as we speak. The government wants supersoldiers, the corporations want mindless worker-drones and it's just a matter of time before you Uncle Albert is trying to eat your brain. Shouldn't we at least have some of Morgan's antics to laugh at after taking head-shots all day?

3. A Work-Stoppage in the NBA - Sports Leagues are governed by Cooperative Bargaining Agreements, which setup the rules for how the teams and players interact. The NBA's is coming due soon. If it doesn't get renewed, eventually the NBA will go on strike. It happened once before in '98-'99. It was disastrous, and another one could effectively kill the NBA. My favorite player, Lebron James, is in his prime right now, and a strike could be the difference between him earning another ring or not (he's getting his first one this summer). I'd chance it though, if I knew that I could get another season of Chuck...and maybe if NBC would start airing some NBA games with Marv Albert as announcer again. Those were the days.

2. Sell my Wii - I don't have as much time for video games as I have in the past (having a kid will do that to you), but I still love Nintendo. For the money ($10) there is nothing better than a few games of the new Dr. Mario with your wife at the end of a long day. But if NBC tells me that $300 would keep "Chuck" on the air next season and perhaps beyond, I'd box it and the games up and sell it through Amazon Marketplace tomorrow morning. (I'd have to get in one more game of Dr. Mario!)

1. Cancel lots of other shows - "CSI", "CSI: Miami" and "CSI: Albuquerque" should all get the boot. So too should "Samantha Who", "Grey's Anatomy" and "Desperate Housewives". If we want to turn to NBC (who doesn't have many shows that are good enough to stick around) I'd even go so far as to say that "Heroes" should get the boot before "Chuck". I'm a comic book guy, and I love "Heroes" even when it is crappy, but "Chuck" has been good from day one and has consistently gotten better. Now, just as the story is really going somewhere and we're beginning to see what Chuck's life could be longterm, is not the time to yank this show. Don't do it, NBC. Fire Jeff Zucker or Howey Mandel or whoever it is that's been running a once proud network into the ground and get behind the shows you have that are good. They are few and far between.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Opening Lines to My Autobiography

In response to a challenge from Soul Pancake


5. I was born a poor, red-faced boy.

4. Ye who seek knowledge, look elsewhere. Ye who seek enlightenment, seek on. Ye who search for a few good chuckles, you've come to the right place.

3. Behind every good man, is a good woman. That's not really true though, is it? I mean, there are a few good men that are single. There are a lot of good men that are homosexual. How 'bout we just agree that behind me (a tolerably good man) there is a good woman?

2. I was born by a river, in a little tent. Wait a minute, that wasn't me. That was Sam Cooke. It would have been a great start though, right?

1. They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. I say, that this lengthy book just got started by me ganking a cliched phrase. Booyah!

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Favorite Things about Running

For those that don't know, I just ran my first 10k this weekend. I've historically been a completely sedentary person, so it's kind of a big deal. You can check out the post with my thoughts about the race here: http://bit.ly/3ary9Y

Now, let's dispense with my Top Five: Favorite Things about Running

5. It's faster than walking. - You know the guy on the interstate that rides your bumper when you're going slowly in the fast lane? I'm that guy. Truthfully, I don't have incredibly important things to do once I get to wherever it is I'm going, but I'd just as soon get there quickly as opposed to dragging around behind you all day. Ditto for when I'm traveling on foot.

4. With a little practice, you don't look ridiculous doing it. - Admittedly, I looked like a rere (I believe that's the technical term) when I first started trying to jog/run. But as I persisted in my quest to shed the pounds while pounding the pavement, I've developed a reasonable, if not quite graceful, gait. This Saturday, I even looked like I might have done it a time or two.

3. It's actually good for you. - I know you may have heard this all your life and shrugged it as more silly blather from "the man" (like Bigfoot not existing or Cotton Candy being bad for you) but take it from one of your own, it really does the body good. Not in the immediate necessarily, but eventually. I've lost more than 20lbs. so far and feel better than I have in my adult life.

2. Chicks dig runners. - Especially if they're not running from something. I've found that running from (insert your preferable calamity here) doesn't really give you the cool points. In fact, if the scale of the calamity that sent you scrambling isn't sufficiently large, you may lose cool points for running from something. Running towards something, on the other hand, (ie. finish line, burning building, Jonas Brother's Concert) will always give you cool points...Okay, maybe not running towards the Jonas Brothers, but everything else. 

1. It gives you an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. - When I finished the race on Saturday, I actually got a little misty-eyed. And not from the spices in the air from the jambalaya or the fairly awful cover band playing at the festival. I teared up because I did something that just a few months ago I couldn't have done. Something that a lot of people never do. 6.2 miles isn't a huge distance, but it is a huge distance from where I was.

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Posted 7 months ago

Today's Top Five: Jacksons

5. Andrew - You may think I'm talking about our seventh President and his many contributions and achievements. You would be wrong. I'm talking about $20 dollar bills y'all. Higher value than the 1, 5 or 10, more likely to be in my pocket than the 100, Jackson is my favorite denomination (he wouldn't make the top 40 of presidents though).


4. Alan - Twangy voice. Check. Big hat. Check. Fantastic guitar pickin' skills. Check. Sorrowful and sad song-writing. Check. This fella is one of the greatest living country music singer/songwriters without a doubt. But he's no...

3. Joshua - Oh, Pacey! You portrayed every school boy's fantasy by having an affair with you hot teacher on "Dawson's Creek." You were the greatest best friend Signor Creek could have...until you stole Joey away! Backstabber! That's why you're #3 and you better be proud of it.

2. Michael - There was a time when putting the "King of Pop" anywhere but the top spot on such a list would be ludicrous. Then we discovered (or had confirmed) the fact that Michael is so crazy he makes Prince look like a member of your local Boy Scout troop leadership. Hyperbaric chamber, we could dig. A pet chimpanzee named "bubbles", alright. Slow transformation into a white woman, well that's weird. Sexual fascination with little boys, woooaaah there, Mikey! Be glad you haven't dropped off this list completely!

1. Samuel L. - The man who made the single middle initial cool again. Sam Jackson is not only the coolest man in hollywood, but since "Bill" from "Kill Bill" doesn't really exist, he is coolest dude on the planet. No way you make a list of Jackson's without Samuel L. at #1.

Honorable mention:

Bo - Bo knows Jackson Lists. He just doesn't know how to get on one.
Jesse - It's a conflagration of impossible magnitudes that he didn't make this list.
Peter - Kiwi. Film-maker. Geek god. Not on this list. Sorry, Petey, maybe after "Tintin."

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Posted 7 months ago